I’ve been super busy and have really slacked off posting here. The good news is I’m down 11 pounds. Woohoo! This was a crazy weekend though, so I might see a slight gain on Tuesday.

My goal for the next week is to get back to journaling. I’ve really gotten lazy about it and I know that’s a key to success. When I do it in my head I know I’m forgetting things and eating too much. Back to basics!

It sounds like a great idea. 100 calories for delicious Reese’s or Oreo treats?! It seems too good to be true! Well, it really isn’t. For the most part it’s just portion control. The fact is that it is still junk food. They have no nutritional value and contain sugar. Personally, when I eat sugar it just makes me want more sugar. That means when I eat a delicious Resse’s 100 point snackster I just want another…and another.

Last week I made the mistake of going to CVS Pharmacy to get a snack when I was hungry. I wasn’t prepared with a healthy snack at work like I should have been. So I’m in the store, hungry, and with limited (non-existent) healthy food options. So my friend who was with me told me how great these snacksters are and she said, “They are only two points!” Well, I bought them and yes, they were good. That’s why the next day I ate three of them in one day! I finally decided to give the rest away. Having a box of these in my desk was just asking for trouble. It’s like having a carton of ice cream in my freezer. Dangerous!

One day I hope I can be surrounded by things that are bad for me and easily resist them, but I’m not ready for that yet. One step at a time.

I guess I am co-captain of this ship, so here is my little intro. Like many, I have been overweight all of my adult life, and most of my childhood. I remember one distinct summer evening (I was probably 8 or 9 years old) standing up in the kitchen eating my dinner, because I wanted to hurry and get back outside on my bike. I remember my mom saying to our neighbor who was in the kitchen, “This is why she is so skinny. She never sits down to eat.” Well, needless to say I sat down, and still haven’t got back up so to speak. I went on my first diet when I was in 5^th grade in order to look hot in middle school. When that didn’t happen, I tried again in 6^th grade, 7^th grade, 8^th grade, and I think you get the point. Now well over a decade later I am still trying. Yes, yes, yes, I want to be happy, healthy, and have a long life. Those are all going to be wonderful benefits when (not if) this happens, but it’s not my main motivator. I am going to be honest and just say what so many are thinking, but won’t say. I want to be hot damn it! I want to know what it feels like to not be overweight. I want to know what it feels like to be able to walk into any store in the mall, and know I will find something that fits me. I want to walk into a party, and for people to think I am beautiful. My whole life I have felt like the lonely wall-flower and this must stop.

I joined a gym last fall and have been working out. I have lost some weight (23 pounds), but the weight has not been coming off like it should, because I have just been excersising and not dieting. This summer my goal is to kick it up a notch. I should have no problem excersing since I belong to the gym, joined a running group, and now have access to a swimming pool. Now I just need to stay out of the Dairy Queen. I look forward to sharing my adventure with you. Toodles!

Short-Term (this week):

1. Drink 2 Liters of Water a Day (I drink hardly any now)

2. Go out to eat no more than once (I eat out a lot)

3. Exercise at least a little bit each day

Medium-Term (end of summer) :

1. Lose 15-20 pounds

2. Fit comfortably in these two shirts and a dress that I bought and are a little snug

3. Run a mile without stopping to walk

4. For someone who doesn’t know I’m doing this to say, “Your lookin’ good kid.”

Long-Term (Before I turn 30):

1. Run 3 miles without stopping to walk

2. Lose 122 pounds (that may change I haven’t weighed that since middle school)

3. Look hot in a little black dress

4. Finally be happy the way I am

So today was the big day. My first weight watchers weigh-in. I’ve done weight watchers before so I knew I could expect a decent loss since I did follow the program. Well, I got it. I’m down 5.6 pounds! I know next week is likely to be a smaller loss, but this feels like a great start.

Funny enough (or evil, one might say) a coworker came up to me at 9 am and gave me a red velvet cupcake from one of the most notoriously delicious bakeries in Chicago. I stared at that damn cupcake for 3 and a half hours before my weigh-in. It was a showdown between me and the cake. I had too much respect for such a magnificent creation to throw it away, yet I had to test my will power to avoid it. I decided that I would wait until after the weigh-in and then I would find someone to split it with.

Now some people might think if I really had willpower I would have just said no to begin with. However, I look at it this way: If I constantly say no to things I love like cupcakes, ice cream, red wine, and chocolate (red wine pairs excellently with dark chocolate, by the way) I’m just setting myself up for failure. There is absolutely no way I can live the rest of my life without consuming the things I love. If I deny myself completely I will one day go crazy and eat 12 cupcakes in one weekend. I’ll be found passed out on my couch in a sugar coma with frosting smeared all over my face. Also, totally making foods 100% off limits contributes to that dangerous “all or nothing” mentality. It’s not “all or nothing” or “off and on.” If one eats something that could be labeled “bad” she/he shouldn’t throw the rest of the day away. Throwing one’s hands up and saying “I blew my diet” gives that person carte blanche to pig out the rest of the day. So instead of eating an extra 300 calories she/he end up eating an extra 1300 calories. That’s dangerous thinking. And dumb, really.

This is something I have to do for the rest of my life. I’ve accepted the fact that I am unfortunate enough to be one of those people with a slow metabolism who has to work really hard to lose weight. Now I can either bitch and moan about it and feel sorry for myself or I can take steps to get the weight off and keep it off. If it takes awhile, so be it. As many people struggling with their weight have heard before – I didn’t gain the weight overnight, so I can’t expect to lose it overnight. The important thing is to be honest and reasonable. I must adopt a lifestyle that I can maintain for the rest of my life, not something that is going to make me suffer.

My story:

I’ve been overweight for as long as I remember. I was a skinny kid up until about 4th grade (I have pictures to prove it. I swear!), but I started gradually putting on weight until I weighed nearly 250 pounds when I graduated high school. Then when I was 19 I decided to start walking and eating less and I managed to get down to about 200 lbs. I hovered around there for awhile until I joined Weight Watchers about 4 years ago. I was about 210 when I started weight watchers and I got down to 174 – my lowest since middle school! At about that time my Weight Watchers leader took me aside for a chat about my goals and whatnot. Well, I believe she subconsciously scared the crap out of me (I have issues I’ll discuss some other time, I’m sure) because after that I started slowly putting on the weight and eventually I gave up.

Fast forward to 2008. I’m back up to that 200 mark that I swore I’d never see again. I haven’t been exercising and I’m tired all of the time. I hate all of my clothes and I can’t find anything cute that fits my big butt. So today I took the plunge and joined weight watchers at work. I know how to lose weight, but I need the accountability of getting on that scale in front of another person every week. I know losing weight is as simple as burning more calories than I am eating and there is no secret weapon/pill. I know exercise is key to my success and it makes me feel so much better. However, I also know I can’t do this by myself. That’s where you come in. I’m talking about those of you who are reading this and can relate one way or the other.

So yes, this blog is for me. I need a place to get my thoughts out and keep track of what’s working and what isn’t working. But it’s also for anyone else who has had or is currently having similar struggles. My hope is that I can turn this into something that both documents my progress and keeps me motivated, but I’d also like this to be a place where I can share some of the things I’ve learned along the way about myself, health, and fitness.

And so it shall be.